“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. When we think that something is going to bring us pleasure, we don’t know what’s really going to happen. When we think something is going to give us misery, we don’t know. Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. We try to do what we think is going to help. But we don’t know. We never know if we’re going to fall flat or sit up tall. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure.”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
This book, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön, was enlightening; an easy read, it is filled with wisdom. What most struck me was her emphasis on dropping all expectations to be a better human through meditation. Instead, she suggests, that we develop compassion for the person we are moment to moment. That through meditation we will be able to see clearly our thoughts and emotions, and this honesty needs to be carried out with kindness. We can develop that during meditation; when we notice that we stopped paying attention to our breath, we gently remind ourselves ‘thinking, thinking’ and turn back to breath. This is how I noticed how harsh I was when I was saying ‘thinking thinking’. And that little gentle tone it turns out goes a long way.
What a revelation! Not the first time I heard about the importance of self compassion, I never realized that mediation was the path to that. To have compassion for our shortcomings is hard to do and most of us are out of practice. Could it be why we so lack compassion for others, even the most beloved, as soon as they deviate from how we think they should be?
I don’t intend to be an emotionless perfect human being, though at times I wish I was. I intend to suffer less and this is the path it seems.
May we all be kind to ourselves….
Photo by filozofish
