So this is what I wrote down one night last week:
I’m glad I didn’t make resolutions. It is day 2 in the new year and at 11 pm I barely stopped eating. Why? Well it all started with dinner out, and then one thing led to another; there was the chocolate cake in the fridge as dessert and then the chocolate cream sauce I had made but didn’t use for the cake, and strawberries, of course by that time I thought I’m too far gone, chips and salsa couldn’t make it worse, or half a bottle of beer, and peanuts, I don’t even like peanuts but they were there and I consumed. As I’m sipping my fennel tea now, which is supposed to help with digestion (good luck with that), I wonder what had gotten into me to push me so far.
I don’t know what had gotten into me that day but I think it might have something to do with anxiety that visits from time to time in different doses depending on the circumstances. That night I sipped a bunch of fennel tea, and read some soothing blogs. The next day my recovery, body and soul had begun. My over-consumption that night woke me up to how much I was self-destructing. There are other ways to deal with anxiety, and the most important part is to catch it moving closer before it sneaks up on you undetected for no apparent reason, because once it does it is too late, it takes over.
My body and mind demand to live another way. I did another Marie Kondo in my closet, I’m eating more reasonably, and I have been meditating regularly since that day, I once again discovered why I took to it; I feel closer to myself every time I sit. This episode woke me up in that I understand the presence of mind matters to me. I don’t want to consume my life. I want to live it. And that requires mental clarity. It takes work, it is most rewarding and I’m ready to make it a priority.
It seems I am running in circles. I started with this; meditating and the importance of mental clarity especially around loved ones. Yet here I am right at the start once again, that is if there is a beginning in a circle. Let’s see how many cycles we’ll go through. Thanks for bearing with me!
