I decide today that I’m going to be successful at what I am doing. But what does it mean to be successful, and more importantly what am I doing?
Do you ever ask yourself that question: What are you doing?
At this very moment I am writing. By that I mean I let the words fall on the page. Like many writers I read, I notice when I’m here, if I make the effort the words prevail. I also notice that I put myself into the writers’ bucket! The reason I write is to make sense of this world, to understand myself, and because it gives me space that is lacking in my head at times. The words come in their own accord but they give me direction and as much as I’d like to hide, they want to be seen. Maybe success is not just writing them but letting them be seen. Great job words, demanding to be shown off…
The other thing I do is taking care of the house, and my family. In this I’m hopeless in keeping the house sparkling clean, garage in order or the backyard in good shape (or in any shape for that matter). Cooking I can excel further. And then, don’t get me started on motherhood, my son may have started to eat tons of greens lately (out of his own accord, and let me tell you: there is hope for every teenager) but his eyes, apart from when he is playing soccer, or in the car while we drive him to practice, are glued to his phone every second (not sure what went on during school hours). There. And on occasion, actually often lately, he is mad at me, though that is a sure sign of good parenting according to some, it is bound to happen when you have a teenager.
There are many ways to be successful at each of these endeavors I’m sure. But you see what I’m seeking is not the outcome; I hardly care about a sparkly clean house or an orderly backyard really. What I’d like to do is immerse myself into the task at hand wholeheartedly, with abandon, with full presence. And just as words come in their own accord, the hands move around the dishes on their own accord, the house and the people in it take care of themselves in their own accord. If only I stop resisting so much and be ok with being the conduit of it when it is my turn.
That is what I mean by success. It is paying full attention, being present. It is getting out of the way, so things get done. And no one to take credit. If you think this is as modesty I beg to differ. I’m not in control of the universe. And it hardly matters ‘who’ succeeded… And it quickly gets old and becomes exhausting constantly trying to be the recipient of success. So here, a new definition: success is removing the ‘I’ yet fully immersing yourself in the task at hand. There.
How does one do that really? It takes practice. Start by noticing when you do it and when you don’t…
Good luck!
What a daily but deep writing makes it easy to find yourself in the thought. Like a monologue of a main character. A good monologue just long enough as it should be.
A monologue continues all the time in our heads I think. It helps to put them (I chose to post the more coherent ones here) on paper. Thanks for reading and your comments!!