I find out that a high school mother, helping me with my son’s books, is going through chemo. And I think about bringing her flowers, but it is covid time, she’d have to be careful around it. So I send her a text wishing she heals in the best way possible but then that sounds stupid, and I tell myself it doesn’t matter that I sounded stupid, and I absolutely agree that I sound stupid. Nonetheless it is a heartfelt wish. But still. Then in the afternoon I think about her; what she is going through during the times of covid, especially because just the day before, I had read this post and cried because cancer happens to good people, for no reason, and it could be any one of us.
And in the evening while I have wine, I think about how if I was in chemo I wouldn’t drink wine, and even when I was over it I’d wonder if I’ll get it back while sipping wine. And none of this makes me feel lucky… instead, I want to reach out to her and grab whatever the price is for the C, ummm half of it really, because no-one should bear the whole thing. Yet it doesn’t seem possible. So… I sit here. Sip wine. And accompanied with Chopin (don’t I sound sophisticated but yes, it sounds divine), I once again think it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is that life throws us out of balance all the time, and sometimes into an avalanche, sends us to our darkest corners where we have to confront our deepest fears and somehow conquer them. In the end it doesn’t matter that we hold on to whatever we hold on to so tightly, we’re going have to let it all go one way or another… and according to many gurus there is nothing to fear… but whatever… I truly wished I could carry her fears and pain today. Wouldn’t that be something if we could lend all the pain, hurt, discomfort to each other and take breaks from whatever weighs us down, or take comfort in just knowing that we’re not alone in whatever path life throws us into… And perhaps that is what we are doing; taking turns with the pain, discomfort, etc…
So in the end I’m back to making wishes… I’m wishing much ease, and joy to this lovely person who crossed my path. As a fellow mother, I hope those grey clouds will part and the sun will shine on her lovely family, in the best way possible…
