It is past midnight. I stop thinking about what to post but just write. No profanity comes. But you see I happen to live. So my life experience comes through. It is not grandiose but as long as I can write the truth, it means something, I tell myself. And I can truthfully say I haven’t meditated for the past 3 days, I am eating mindlessly, and enjoying too much TV lately. There. Well there is more. I reluctantly attended the jury duty, while the court room was fascinating, I was glad in the end that I was dismissed. There is more. I forgot to wash my son’s clothes yesterday and he had to go the soccer practice in dirty uniform, he was not happy.
I already feel better after these confessions and the truth is: Time is elusive and the happenings around us, while meaningful, all come to pass. So our best bet is to stay, to be present, to be aware in each moment. Well, maybe that is too much to ask. So at least for a few moments so that we gradually wake up to life. I was present while doing the dishes; feeling the warm water in my hands, and while preparing dinner, noticing the smells and the textures of the fish, and the sauce I prepared, I was also present during the TaiChi class, noticing my judgmental thoughts on my performance, and letting them go.
And when we can’t stay present there is always poetry…
Wild Geese
Mary OliverYou do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
“So our best bet is to stay, to be present, to be aware in each moment.” You encapsulated it so nicely. I am tired of thinking of the past, analyzing then reanalyzing, going through the vicious cycle of “could have, would have, should have” a.k.a. modals of lost opportunities. Then comes the mode of worrying about the future, in so many ways we do not have much control over. They keep us fully living the life we have right in front of us. I promise myself that I will do a better job of living in the present. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Aylin. Much love and hope to see you soon.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts as well Hulya, much appreciated:)